Pappa wants mamma naked
i was born a porn star she said
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
