just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I have already put on my inside pants.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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