you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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