Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
