I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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