He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I still have a little drunk in my system
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
