i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
