Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
birth control should be required to get into college
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
