i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
