if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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