Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
