He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
