i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
