i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
