I molested 6 butterflies tonight
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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