Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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