he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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