Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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