if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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