Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
