Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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