there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
