Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
