this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
