I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Randomize
