I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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