and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
