he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
