This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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