the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
wow bdsm is so cute
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
