My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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