He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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