That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
