His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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