You're so nebulous sometimes
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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