____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
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