looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
