Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
