ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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