What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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