Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
