I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Randomize
