I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
