If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
