Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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