We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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