My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
