Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
