Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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