its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Randomize
