hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
