my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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