Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
