I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
