and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
