We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
my being single is dangerous.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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