Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
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