I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
