I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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